Caregivers Who Refuse Help - What's Going On?

Being a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer’s disease or Parkinson’s disease can be very exhausting and isolating. Caregivers often feel at the end of their rope and can easily burn out after a few months. This is not a situation to take lightly. A study last year found that caregivers of chronically ill patients may die 4-8 years earlier than they would have if they had not become caregivers.

That is why it seems odd that many caregivers do not want to relinquish control over the situation and do not want help from others. Below are some of the reasons that caregivers may not want anyone to help them:

Protection instinct: The caregiver may know that she can’t make the patient well, but she still wants to be the one to care for her. It is a protective feeling that is common for spouses or children caring for a parent may feel.
Guilt: This is very often part of the situation. Sometimes it is not recognized and most times there really is no reason for it. We might feel like there is something we should have done to help our loved one that we did not do and she got sick. We also may feel that as the spouse or child of the loved one, we are personally responsible for caring for the patient. No matter if the guilt is deserved or not, it is usually a useless, destructive emotion.
A feeling of competition: This is common when a child is caring for a parent – we might still be attempting to win the approval of the parent, so we try to do more than the other children are doing. Sibling rivalry can play a part in these situations. There are caregiver situations where one child shuts out the other children and tries to be the hero to the parent.
Financial concerns: People fear financial costs of bringing in paid help. The medical system in the US still does little to provide for long term care in the residence of people with chronic illnesses. So usually the patient’s assets must be used for their care and this can cause the caregiver to be wary of spending any extra money on outside help.
Stranger concerns: Many people just do not trust hired caregivers. We hear the occasional horror story about hired care, and it can make us afraid to leave our loved one for even a short time.

It is important for caregivers to try to overcome these factors that can isolate him or her as the sole caregiver. Get support and counsel from others. Make your peace with the past and just deal with the present. Accept things as they are. And do not be premature in your judgment of hired help for your loved one.

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If you are the caregiver for your loved one, there are many excellent products that can ease the caregiving process, such as: